I coudn't do it folks. I just couldn't finish Twilight. That, and the library I checked it out from would only loan it to me for a week. And really, how do they expect me to finish a 500+ book (one that I don't find terribly engrossing) in a week? So while I prepare to return the book, I decided to jump to Chapter 13, because I've heard this was the first chapter Meyer wrote. This is what I saw, and it can never be unseen:
"He [Edward Cullen] lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep..."
If Smeyer is using the word "incandescent," she better be describing a lightbulb. These few lines look like a thesaurus barfed on the page. Okay, we understand Edward is a sparkly guy when he goes into the sun. But I don't see anything other than Meyer trying to show off her vocabulary skills. An important tool I've learned in my Creative Writing classes is the use of objective correlative, where the writer describes what's exterior to the character as a symbolic device to explain the interior of the character. For instance, in my favorite book "Atonement," the vase the two protagonists break by the fountain symbolizes the sexual tension between them, as well as foreshadows the jarring changes that will tear their lives apart within the day. The vase is the external which describes the characters in a three-dimensional way. And if Meyer utilizes this, please let me know because I've only made it throught the first few chapters.
Although I may bash "Twilight," Stephenie Meyer must be doing something right. There's just some plot points and character development I would've liked to have seen turn out different. So, if I were ever given the chance to re-vamp (pun intended) what I know of the Twilight series, here's what I'd do:
- Make Bella more likeable and less of a whiny smart-ass who moaps all the time. She really needs more independence and less dependence on a guy who can't even guarantee she'll be happy. And her backstory could use some work (does the series ever go into detail about her life back in Arizona?). Maybe she had a close relative who passed away. Hell, make it her mom. As far as I see it, the mom doesn't show up much anyway, nor does she contribute a great deal to the plot. So if Mrs. Swan were to die, Bella would basically be forced to live in Forks with her dad and contemplate the existence of an afterlife (insert afterlife-defying Edward).
- Now that I've established the death of Bella's mom, I think the mom should become a zombie. I realize zombies have taken on a more funny role in pop culture, but this is where Meyer could shine as an author. Hit Bella with two life-changing decisions: to be/not to be a vampire and spend eternity with Edward, and to vanquish/not to vanquish her zombie mom. This plot device might seem faulty, but it could actually develop the characters more.
- Edward Cullen needs to man up more. First of all -- the whole virgin thing. 100+ years of no action? Really? And even if it's for religious reasons that he must not have sex before marriage or otherwise be sent to Hell....well I've got news for you Eddy. Your vampire soul is already damned. So why not sweeten the deal? I'm not saying their should be a whole chapter dedicated to Edward's sexual escapades. Just make his whole 117 years of living more realistic. Plus, it'd give his "loverboy" status more cred.
- The Cullens repeating high school thing needs to change. I just find it hard to believe that's how vampires would rather spend their free time. I understand that this might be an effort to "fit in" with the living world....but hight school? Can't you guys get jobs? Of course, if the Cullens don't go to high school, this might interfere with the original way Bella and Edward meet. But there are other ways their paths could cross. For instance, Edward saves Bella from being run over by a car. Anything works here, really.
- Vampires should not sparkle. I don't care if it's Meyer's own "interpretation." If there is sunlight, Edward should be flaming (pun completely intended).
- Now, I noticed that Meyer sort of took notes from Bram Stoker with the whole "vampire trying to sneak into the heroine's bedroom." But she's trying to make this sound romantic when it's not. It's creepy, and Bella should be disgusted. If that's the path Meyer wants to go in, make Edward a full-out creeper. Let's say he tries to take advantage of Bella, wanting her to become a vampire when she finds the idea undesirable. But when Bella's zombie mom shows up with an army of the undead, Bella is faced with no other choice but to submit to Edward and become a vampire because it's the only why she can stop the zombie apocalypse. Yes....I would read this book.
Don't take offense Stephenie Meyer. Bram Stoker wasn't a great storyteller either, and he was notorious for overusing the word "voluptuous."
Bram Stoker also couldn't keep his mythology straight. Are vampires weakened by the sun or killed by it? Make up your mind, Brammy.
ReplyDelete(This is Kyndra, by the way. I have no blogspot account.)
Also, I love your alternative storyline. Especially since the zombies add something. Nothing worse than gratuitous zombie violence. Well, excpte for Twilight.
Oh. And, if I recall correctly, Bella's mom hit the road with a baseball player who has to travel for games and such. But he isn't, like, a major league player. So the traveling around teh country doesn't make a ton of sense.
ReplyDeleteThe point is, Bella has to go to Forks so that she can stay in school.
And no. The parents do nothing as far as I know. The most her dad gets involved is supporting Team Jacob.
All of that just criticism aside, one thing Meyer, Dan Brown, and James Patterson have in common (besides being piss-poor writers) is huge sales. It may be a sad commentary on the readings habits of Americans, but it proves that "literary" work isn't necessarily what an author needs to produce in order to be successful. Now, to be able to look myself in the mirror, I indeed must produce better work than the above named hacks, but I don't go overboard. The other fact is, those authors have found ways to tap into the imaginations of their readers, and that's more likely the key to their success than anything else. If you can touch your audience, they'll stay with you forever.
ReplyDeleteKyndra -- Even at the time when Bram Stoker published "Dracula," I believed it was considered trashy literature. The Gothic genre really held no credibility in it's early years. And even now, I would praise Dracula more on its legacy. That's the one thing Twilight has done right (as well as create something easy to read with male characters for tween girls to swoon over). Still...Harry Potter has proved to have just as large a fan base, and the writing and storyline are very good -- much better than the faulty storyline Meyer's created. Can't we have something like that again?
ReplyDeleteBrian -- Dan Brown was another I could never get into either. I tried reading "The Da Vinci Code" and just could never find a good reason to continue it. But it is very true that subject matter, as well as an uncanny ability to connect to one's audience, can bring more success than something creatively writing. Which is really kind of sad in my eyes. Hopefully there can be a happy medium between the two.
There is a happy medium. Read Ian Fleming (the James Bond books--better than the movies). Try Stephen King. Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler, Mickey Spillane; my friend Rebecca Forster. Hell, read MY book. There are plenty of examples. Good writing (and big sales) from those guys. You might not like them all, but there are many lessons to learn by reading them.
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